Getting out of your way
In my book, Say Yes to Yourself Available on Amazon , I told the world about my vicious romantic style that kept me from fully experiencing life and love. Recently, I finished two books that added new dimensions to this idea. I read Don't Believe Everything You Think and The Mountain Is You. I want to be clear. I am not an Amazon affiliate. If you purchase my book, I do recieve royalties (not much) but I receive no other compensation from Amazon.
Reminder on my book, I wrote about various dates after my divorce and had take aways about red flags to look for at the beginning of relationships so you don’t waste time. I eventually learned I really needed to connect with and love myself to make better dating choices. Many of you who follow me on YouTube as Lorettaforbes1 know the story of how I ended up meeting my husband in my 50s. He is amazing, and I never would have met him if I didn’t tune into myself and get out of my own way.
The Mountain is You is a book that could make you angry if you are not ready to accept some personal responsibility in the condition your life is in. The ulimate lesson of the book is that if your life (as an adult, this does not apply to minors) doesn’t look the way you want it to, then you are part of the problem. This idea could be really devastating to someone who is going through depression or has not fully healed from trauma. However, if you have done some therapy, or maybe coaching, and realize something has to change and it is a change you have control over, then this is the perfect book to read. The Mountain Is You goes over a few different vicious cycles people get caught up in including relationships, jobs, family, and addiction. How do you break out of these cycles and make progress? Well, first, you need to see the pattern. This is why so many therapists, counselors, and coaches recommend journaling as a daily activity. I journaled during my abusive marriage. There was no denying a pattern after three years of journaling about the abusive cycle I was in. Finally, I reached the point where I realized I needed to get out and break the cycle. I would go back and re-read the journals as reminders of the behavior that would not change and would eventually creep back into the relationship. There was no amount of love, patience, or therapy that would change the dynamic because my abuser did not think he was doing anything wrong. He saw the pattern and enjoyed it so why would he want it to change.
Once you identify the pattern, and this book will help you see some of your patterns, The Mountain is You discusses how to change the patterns including how to examine beliefs and feelings (items I’ve covered on YouTube myself). Another chapter covers how to process and feel your feelings then how to act to reach new behaviors. Remember the quote insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? This idea comes up in the book. The common factor in your repeated failures to find the “perfect job” is YOU. YOU are most likely the problem as to why you do not feel fulfilled.
This is connected to Don’t Believe Everything You Think in that here is another book reminding you that you cannot get away from YOU. YOU are stuck with yourself. If you keep thinking about how you are a loser, everything goes wrong, why does bad luck follow you everywhere then you may need to read this book. You do not need to believe every thought that pops or floats into your head. The book doesn’t say stop thinking all together but rather examine the thoughts and pause (PAUSE is actually a tool they cover). Examine the thought. I’ve said it before in the blog and in videos you do not have to take every thought and feeling as gospel or a sign to act. Especially if you grew up in a traumatic and chaotic household, you need to check and ponder is the thought valid or are you experiencing a trigger based on OLD stuff and not your current life circumstances. Some people get so attached to the identity of being a victim they unknowingly get drawn into familiar abusive circumstances again but maybe it is not a relationship. You can be in abusive or toxic circumstances at work, in a roommate situation, in a family dynamic.
The first step is awareness! If you are aware your life is not what you want it to be and that you need a change, then take heart. You can make changes but this is not easy. In fact, making these changes is uncomfortable. I experienced a lot of pain. There were days I cried, didn’t want to get out of bed, and even felt worthless. However, I always had hope and determination that I would figure this out and kept trying. I refused to give up on myself. Hard — Yes. Worth it — absolutely. I have a husband I adore and who adores me. I never had a loving and mutually equal partner before because I had to face my part in picking the wrong men.
If you need further help, my contact information is on this website. Remember to also check out YouTube. Besides my channel, Lorettaforbes1 there is Therapy In A Nutshell who offers great and free resources.
