The Exit Strategy
You may consider being “nice” and trying to give the person a head’s up. However, better to be safe than sorry. Have an exit strategy to get out and file before they realize your intention.
For people in abusive relationships, relationships with narcissists or sociopaths, this is the only way. You cannot be honorable and announce that you want a divorce. That may work if you were dealing with an adult or by watching how they parent your children together, you know this person will do the right thing by the children. If you have experienced ANY type of abuse, you need to plan your exit.
Be careful who you tell in your support group. See my blog on the well-meaning friend who delayed my divorce.
Stay with a friend or at a hotel for a transition before you move to your new address.
Get a post office box for mail so if you must do a forwarding address, your soon-to-be ex doesn’t have a road map to where you are and how to harass you.
Take some money out of your account. Marital accounts or joint accounts represent 50/50 sharing. If you need some cash, you are able to take out half of the current balance. Leave enough to cover outstanding checks.
If you are working, warn human resources or your boss that you are going to be leaving your spouse and that once the complaint is filed your spouse may act out.
Many states and judges have standing orders once the divorce is filed that protect you and your children. Find out what physical protection you have.
If you have children and you believe you will need an order of protection, seek out the help of local women’s groups or legal aid in your area. Each county/city has different free resources. Many states have a self-help area and free help for victims of domestic violence.
